Conversations 15 - The Game Of Silence

At that moment, it felt like she wanted to get rid of me.

"I want us to NOT talk for one week." Those were her words. Almost on cue, I fell silent. A million thoughts were racing through my mind, searching for a mistake I may have made with my words in the past few days. And then, to make things worse, she followed those words with an 'I gotta go', further pushing me through a cycle of self-doubt and fear.


Honestly, I wouldn't blame her if she wanted to give up on our 'friendship'. I've always pitied myself, believing a world conspiracy against me among other things that scream of a negative mental state. On the other hand, she is a cheerful person who is surrounded by people who love her, respect her, come to her for advice and are happy with her. It's only natural that she wants to keep with people who enjoy their lives, which I, evidently, do not.

Or maybe, she has caught up. Our friendship has hardly been one where you'd see two people enjoying their time together. We've rarely talked in person. And when we have, it's always been her who has driven the conversation. I spent all the time gawking at her like a person who has seen something for the very first time and the only words that I manage to get out are plagued with a stutter so much so that they are beyond comprehension.

These are pretty clear signs of my 'weird' crush on a 'friend' and I am quite certain that her friends pointed it out to her. Undoubtedly, she is freaked out and this demand of not talking for a week is a roundabout way of phasing me out of her phonebook and her life. In fact, I can pretty much guarantee that she has already deleted my contact from her phone.

If all of this is true, which probably is, I think I should just clear it out and apologise to her. It will at least bring me some closure.

"Here goes nothing", I thought to myself as I placed the phone to my ear. I could hear the dial-tone. I immediately had hundreds of words in my mind, trying to form a comprehensible sentence to say to her. But those words wouldn't arrange themselves and while I know I shouldn't be, I was glad she didn't pick up. 

A few minutes later, my phone beeped. It was her message. I wasn't confident of a positive response but I wasn't expecting a confirmation for a restraining order either. On that note, it was somewhat assuring to read, "I hate to break the game but I want to confirm that the game of silence will restart in 20 minutes and we will talk after exactly one week".

"So", I thought, "I'll get to talk to her after all. That does help a bit". 

To clarify, it didn't help and I proceeded to call her a few seconds later, confirming the authority of the contents of her previous message.

Comments

S said…
After so long great article i thought you have quit blogging..glad to see you active again.
Jerry Rock said…
Thanks @S. I've had a lot of things during the past year. Nonetheless, I am glad to be back.