Conversations 3

You asked me why I don't share my feelings with you. While my answer has regularly been that 'that's how I am', it is far from convincing.

The truth is, I can't seem to fathom my own feelings . Teen-age is full of mixed emotions, of love and hatred, fear and strength, joy and sadness, and many more. On that note, understanding my own feelings has been a tough job for me. 

Okay, I guess it sounds a lot like an excuse. A more accurate reason is that I haven't been able to find the right way to tell you about my emotions, and apparently, you don't have enough time for them. Rather, I don't want to waste your time on someone like me, someone who has always managed to injure your love for me. I don't want you to waste your efforts on me, when I've always demeaned the input from you.

Do you really think I deserve your attention, when I never managed to give you my time.

I know it hurts you if I don't share my emotions and experiences with you, but I don't want to complicate your already complicated life. And while this is a bit stereotypical, but being the guy, I should be the one to offer you support and strength, not the other way round.

There are things I want to share with you, but sometimes they scare or disgust you. And the time that we spend together is so less, that I want to know everything that happens with you. This has become so habitual, that I now shy away from sharing my stories.

I apologise that my actions have hurt you, but they are never intended to be that way.


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